old people

“How hard can driving be anyway, you just press the brakes to stop, and gas to accelerate!”

He chuckles.

“And try not to get stopped for tailing the car in front of you too closely, of course” I reply, a laugh already escaping my lips.

My mom is indignant. “You got stopped doing that?” she asked my dad, who just looks thoroughly amused.

At this point, I am dying. Unable to get words out, I manage to wheeze out “IT’S YOU, MA!” just before doubling over again at her cluelessness.

“I did not! Excuse you!” she replies playfully.

“Yes, you did!”

“No, I did not!”

“Yes, you did!”

“No, I did not!”

Ah, old people.

little children

“What school do you go to?” a little redheaded boy asks me, as I’m ‘switching the jobs’ in my old 5th grade teacher’s classroom.

“Oh, I go to Westview,” I reply, hoping I sound at least moderately polite.

He nods. “So what grade are you in?”

“I’m a freshman”

“So what GRADE is that?”

“Oh, its 9th grade. 9th grade.”

Again nodding, he turns back.

I laugh to myself. Little children…

spelling tests

Have you ever tried to grade a 5th grader’s spelling test?

Or more like, 30 5th graders’ spelling tests.

Plural.

I hate grading spelling tests because what if, I accidentally mess up a grade on someone’s tests and it “ruins their perfect 100 average”??? I don’t want to get sued by a kid’s parents. gosh I’m too young to be sued!

The trick, I have realized, is to memorize which words are on the test, and kind of skim over them to see if they look vaguely correct. Because I have realized, life is so much easier when you take the shortcut.

Problem is, that someone could literally write a random word that starts with the same letter as the correct word, for example “basket” instead of “banana”, and I would be like very good, very good. Perfect! So. not exactly completely accurate.

So whatever. They can deal with it. Besides, shouldn’t they be grateful I’m volunteering anyway?

Right. I’ll keep telling myself that.