30 day water challenge day 1: the revamp

how to paint your nails

hi future me! i’m back with another “tell future me how to do stuff that current me has already done so future me can learn from current me’s mistakes!” wow I really need a shorter name

Anyways, today is how to paint your nails! I did my nails yesterday and I love them!!! but it’s always such a struggle and then you have to wait and be careful about pretty much anything you do/touch. so here are my tips for how to make the process easier and quicker with the same results. btw these are just like solid, painted nails. no nail art or anything. that’s beyond my abilities.

1. thin coats. super, super thin coats. It’s really ok if it’s streaky, but gloopy coats take forever to dry and so even though the color will look opaque it’ll literally never ever dry and you’ll have nail polish hands(you know, where you can’t do anything, ever) for the rest of eternity. so yeah. thin coats. and wait 2 minutes between each coat! then they dry and it’s easier once you’re finished (less drying time after)

2. don’t worry too much about getting it on your skin. that being said, don’t go crazy and just like put it all down your cuticles and everything, but it’s ok if you get it on the skin beyond your nails. everyone is always like cap the free edge! ahh! but when your nails are so short that your nail beds are actually longer than your actual nails, the tips of your nails don’t really get any action so it doesn’t really matter. besides, if you try to do that, you’ll just get polish on your nail beds. it’s pretty much impossible to be neat with that.

3. after you’re done painting your nails, apply the top coat while the last layer is still wet. just make sure that you have enough product so the brush doesn’t streak the color.

4. wait two minutes after the top coat application to dry, and then spray your hands with pam spray. sounds weird, but the oil keeps the nails from denting if you accidentally bang anything against them in like real life. also, you can rub the excess oil from around your hands into your skin and it’s a great moisturizer.

5. wait at least half a day before taking a shower. or at least a few hours. this time, I did them at 10 am and took a shower at 7 pm. the shower will actually wash away any polish on your skin, and then you don’t have to worry about cleanup. **fave tip**

also if you’re planning on doing white beware that all the jhol from food will stain them yellow? and there’s always little pieces of fuzz in them. idk. it kinda sucks. would probably suggest going with a different color because then they’re less noticable. but white is still beautiful! maybe a gradient on white? that’s cool. or stripes? some kind of nail art on white will probably make the staining less noticable.

can you paint your nails every week? how long is that going to last? we’ll see lol

update: just took a shower and figured out that if you scrub your nails with a loofah and body wash the yellow stains will come out? kind of? i think they’re less noticable. it’s actually probably better to scrub right after you eat so there isn’t time for the stains to actually set, now that I think about it. oh well! next time! that’s why i’m writing this!

update 2: use rubbing alcohol to remove the fuzz and some of the yellow stains! with bounty! and don’t dry your hands on regular towels, that’s probably where most of the fuzz is coming from?

bye!

camping 2017: the rundown

Hello! I’m back! Just went camping this weekend, and per usual, I’m writing down what to do and not to do for reference next year. The goal is to be so freaking good at doing this in a few years that I won’t even need to think about what to bring.

So let’s get into it!

DO’S:

– Roll your clothes: This year, I rolled my clothes into outfits for each day, including underclothes wrapped in a t-shirt, and then that whole bundle wrapped again in my pants. I think it just makes things super easy to find, especially when it’s dark and you need to change, and it also makes sure that you don’t accidentally wear dirty underclothes because they’ve just been floating around in your bag.
– Organize your bag: For my suitcase, I took things in a separate bag that I would need at night, and another for the morning. This just makes it easier to work with, and that way you’re not digging around in the bathroom.
-Layer: For clothes, bring a base outfit(pants and t-shirt) for each day, and then bring some layering items to wear on top. This year, I brought a light plaid shirt that I wore during the day, a heavier one for at night, and a light and heavy sweatshirt for during the day. I find that during the day is when the temperature fluctuates the most, and sometimes it’s sunny and sometimes its kind of in the middle where you don’t want to put on a huge sweatshirt but also not just a t-shirt. (this is where you would put on the light plaid shirt). Of course, it all depends on the weather. Make sure you check it. Also, hat and socks for at night. You don’t need to look cute, and it can be really cold.
– Bring things that you’re familiar with: This is probably common sense, but camping is not really the time to try out new things. This year I brought a deodorant that was super weird and I wasn’t really sure about the packaging, so it never made it out of my bag. On the other hand, I have a sunscreen stick that I use pretty much every day normally, so it was super easy to just whip it out, slather it all over my face, and recap. No messy liquids.
– Bring only as much product as you need: When you’re packing, for example things like face or body wash, I would suggest pouring a small amount into a smaller container to take along instead of huge full sized bottles. Yes, there are no TSA restrictions, but travel-sized products actually do have a purpose. They’re not just ridiculously overpriced. For me, I put my face wash and moisturizer into a contacts case that I use specifically for that purpose. Then, I’m not lugging huge jars around, which means I won’t be dropping said jars all over the place.

DON’T:

– Take more than you need: I pretty much overpack every single year. It’s kind of inevitable. But after I overpacked again this year, I wrote down exactly what I brought and what I actually used out of that. The list is in your bedside table, future me, so please reference that next year.
– Be unprepared?: This doesn’t really make sense, but I’ll do my best to explain. Basically, have things that you might need, like bug spray, even if you don’t think you’ll use it. (this includes pads/tampons/feminine products!!! honestly nothing worse than realizing you need it and you don’t have it. literally sucks. and you don’t want to be cleaning period stains out of your underwear. that stuff is hard to get out.)
– Leave too much skin exposed: When you go camping, there are going to be a lot of bugs. Literally all the time. To keep yourself from getting bitten all the time, cover up as much as possible. Even if it’s going to be really hot, wear a light layer on top and shorts on the bottom instead of a tank and shorts. Also, if you’re leaving skin exposed, for example to go to the beach or something, wear something heavier on top and lighter on the bottom instead of vice versa(thickness, not color). This is because most heat is lost through the head and chest, so it’s easier to adjust then changing pants. It’s a lot harder to layer pants, as you might imagine.

I think that’s it for now? If I think of anything else, I’ll make some edits to this post. Thanks for reading!

life update: 2017

Hi everyone! It’s been about 7 months since I last posted on here, and tonight I’ve just been going back to these posts and reading them, and knowing exactly the scenarios that were going through my head at that time (like literally my exact thought process goes down on this page, pretty much unfiltered), and its really interesting to see how things panned out from those situations.

I don’t actually think there is anyone here that reads these, I’m not even sure I have a following other than maybe the occasional person who stumbles upon my posts. Except for my best friend, who actually helped me set up this account and was the reason that I even got into this. So thank you. You have no idea how valuable this is.

I just want to start off by saying (start off? I’m two paragraphs in. lol) that I started this blog for pretty much no apparent reason. But over the months that I was posting on it, it became a number of things. First, it was a way for me and my best friend to communicate without actually talking to each other. Which for some, may sound a little bit crazy, because we literally see each other every single day. But there are some things that I don’t have the guts to spill out every frustration I’m feeling, or maybe it’s not the right time or space to just let it all out. Either way, this site is a place for me to spill it(as I said, this is pretty much all unfiltered and unedited. I do proofread, just because I don’t want spelling errors to take away from the message I’m giving.) and also a place to store my feelings until she can take the time away from whatever she’s doing to read this and maybe a discussion will insue or sometimes it all happens quite wordlessly.

I’m not really sure how this happens, but usually whenever I feel an annoyance, I’ll write it on here, she’ll see it, and somehow, magically, everything is better the next time. I think one time we actually tried to talk about it and I was just like “mhhhmmm” and that’s pretty much when I shut down the conversation. Again, about the whole guts thing. But she’s really great because I don’t know, I think we just get each other. It’s not even like we’re always thinking the same way all the time, but maybe we just explain things so that the other person is always able to get on their wavelength and really see things from the other perspective. I think that’s pretty valuable to have in a friendship.

Second, this site is a place where I can hopefully, in a while, look back and see my growth. What was I feeling that day? How did I react to a certain situation that I remember but can’t place all the details? Would i have reacted a different way today, if I were to encounter it again? These, along with more, are the questions that I want to have answered when I look back on this in 5 or 10 years time, and just see everything that I thought, really. My thoughts are pretty much the most personal thing about me, and I want future me to know what past me was like. I make jokes, I fool around, I write literally anything, because that’s who I am right now, at this moment. Looking back right now, I don’t see that much of a difference in my personality, but there are definitely things that I’ve written where I can imagine the situation and know how to handle it should something else come up. I’d like to think of this place as a sort of diary, but it’s less about every single day and more about me overall. I want to capture the essence of me, not the miniscule things that pop up. (also I tried keeping a diary and it didn’t work. Also, I’m low-key sure that my mom read it.) But she will never find this. (literally as I’m writing this I think she’s about to walk into the room. Kinda scared. How ironic!)

Third, this site is where I can give myself motivation, advice, the works. The reason that I came back to this is because I’m packing to go camping this weekend, and I remember writing a post about going camping last year and what I would and wouldn’t recommend doing. So obviously, I went back and looked. And looked some more. And before you know it, I had read through all of my posts and was thinking, wow, I am really funny. And I have auditions coming up. Again, I wrote a post about that. So this is where I advise. I also have things about positivity and life and happiness in general, which is where I’m really honest and can go back when my day’s been absolutely horrendous and cheer myself up a little. Because no one knows you better than yourself. And my self-given motivation is better than anything I could have found on the internet.

I think that’s about it for the “why I’m here” thing. Now, onto the general “where have I been and what is going on with me”?

So I just finished my sophomore year in high school (ooh! future me! if you’re reading, please give yourself a high five because life seems pretty good for me right now so just take that as motivation from the past. Redeemable unlimited times. Never expires.)and it is currently August 2nd. I am writing this at 10:11 pm, and my bedtime is 11 but I can finish this before then. Anyways, I’m taking a PCC math class and volunteering at OHSU this summer, and I finished my homework for the class and am pretty much just chilling today. What are you doing? Please write it down for future future me to read!

Um,I’m not really sure what else to say. I have auditions at the end of the summer for PYP (hi any readers, you might not know what this is but future me does so ha! this is a message to her not you lol)and I’m getting kind of nervous because nothing that I prepare ever seems to be good enough for them? Everyone’s just really good. I’m also really bad at sightreading. I need to practice. And I’m going to audition for Chamber choir this year, hopefully I’ll get in! And I’m going to All-Nationals this year for voice, it’s in DISNEY WORLD so I’m pretty excited. I’ll keep you updated how it is. And…oh yeah! today I’ve been really hungry and eating a lot? For some reason. I’m not sure. I did have blood drawn this morning so that might have something to do with it. But maybe if I keep doing this I’ll gain some weight! My goal is 115 and that might actually happen!

I wrote some time ago about being called anorexic and why that hurts. The person who called me it most of the time isn’t in my life as much anymore, but I do still see her occasionally. Either way, I know they didn’t mean it. The other person that did is actually pretty present in my life. But she said that back in middle school, and I think things were different back then. There was one incident in bio this year when I think I was just feeling a bit stressed and she made a comment about it (which I was actually kind of surprised about? it hasn’t happened since middle school) and I kind of caused a scene and walked out. It was before class started so it wasn’t that big (you know how I hate public attention!) but I still wasn’t proud of myself for the outburst. I don’t really get called it anymore, pretty much every since I got to high school. Which I’m very happy about. Sometimes when I was in school this year I would get caught up talking and forget to eat my sandwich and then some of my friends would remind me. But I don’t think that’s rude. I think they were just trying to make sure that I stay healthy. Which is very nice of them.

I also think I’m starting to embrace my curly hair more! I got some new products and am really loving how my hair looks natural. I haven’t straightened my hair in a while!

(update: my mom just walked in so I’m going to finish this tomorrow! good night!)

good morning! it’s the next day now! As I was saying, I haven’t straightened my hair in a while and although there are a lot of days when I just scrape my hair up into a bun, I’m trying to do that less and less. I’m also trying this new co-washing thing? Basically you wash your hair with conditioner like mid-week or so just for a refresh without drying out your hair more with shampoo. I tried to tell someone this a couple weeks ago and their disgust was clearly visible. And I even explained that no, conditioner actually has a small amount of cationic surfectants so it actually does cleanse your hair a little bit. But she was like not having it, being all like “ew don’t be gross you need to wash your hair”. This is mostly why I think that we need to be moving forward in this direction of acceptance. Because if people can’t stand it with me, what is it like for girls with 4b or 4c hair? Do they get slack for it too? The funny thing is that this girl is kind of a social justice warrior, and I’d like to keep my friendship with her strong, but it’s comments like these that make me feel like, wow. I have enough confidence in my skin that I can let go of whatever you’re saying, but there are so many people who don’t. I don’t understand how you could say one little thing and bring someone right back down to square one. Like you don’t know my hair, you don’t know me well enough to be making decisions for me. I’ll make my own, thank you very much.

There was an incident a couple of months ago when my oldest brother basically raged about how they(he and my other) had requested me on Instagram and I wouldn’t let them follow me. (currently, they are still just sitting in my request box). Basically, one night- dude I don’t even wanna talk about this it still gives me chills- we were just sitting there after dinner and he literally flies up and starts screaming and yelling. My other brother joined in it. And I was trying to be brave, and I was like “make me?” and he was like “you don’t want to see what can happen if I make you. You do not want to see that.”. After a couple rounds of this, I started crying. It was so scary, I thought I was going to die that night, that they were going to come up to me in bed and thrash me around. (literally as I’m writing this there are tears in my eyes. I just had to stop typing because I couldn’t see the keys.) Anyways, I was so scared that I asked my dad if we could just get out of there. He asked why, and I told him I was scared. Cue the tears again. And I don’t remember all the details, but eventually what happened out of that was my mom started following me. Basically their whole point was why I wasn’t being monitored on Instagram as they were on Facebook? But I didn’t want them to make any stupid comments on posts or anything.

Once I commented on a friend and her boyfriend’s post, and was like “so cute!” and for DAYS after that, they used it against me. It really hurt. So obviously, I was dead against letting them follow me after that. And I think my best friend’s account was on public once, and they found pics that I had commented on, and teased me about that forever as well. Literally as they were saying that, I had just commented on another one of her posts and I deleted that comment so fast, thinking that that was the one they were talking about. After that, I pretty much made my friend put her account on private (sorry about that, it probably sounded really mean but I was actually desperate) and that’s where we are now. Actually I just posted something a couple weeks ago and my brother, from my mom’s phone, commented “you the farm”. Which…. I don’t know. It wasn’t really like malicious or anything, but we like to keep our family jokes inside the family, you know? (of course you know. You are me)And that just kind of felt like our family jokes were being shared with the world. My mom quickly deleted the comment before anyone could see it. But even now, my brother still asks my mom for her phone so he can stalk me. Usually my mom denies, ever since I made a big deal out of it the first time.

And that’s where we are now. The funny thing is, that after that, my brother came up to me the next day and started to apologize(it wasn’t sincere. My mom made him do it) and I didn’t accept it. I just left him hanging, and now we’re back to the “don’t really talk much thing”. I think I mentioned this scenario to my best friend and she just kind of laughed. Which was kind of hurtful, especially with how much the situation affected me. I don’t know. (if you’re reading this, sorry! I don’t mean to call you out in front of the world)

Also, have I mentioned that ever since he left for college (that was…8 years ago? I think?) we have never had a conversation over the phone, and when he comes home, we fight within 24 hours of him being here every time and then ignore each other for the rest of the time. Usually I just pick up the phone and give it to Mom. Sometimes I feel like I want to have a real conversation, but then I remember these times and feel like I’m just going to get hurt again. Besides, he’s kind of toxic and negative. It’s kind of just better for my health if I don’t see him that much. He’s pretty condescending and likes to think he’s right just because he’s the oldest of us kids. Actually, the attitude transfers over to our parents too. He treats my dad really rudely, and I feel bad for him because Dad isn’t one of those people to stand up for themselves and make a scene. That’s kind of how I am too. Mom and the boys are more like that. Me and my dad are more of the people to just do their work and we know when to pick our battles. Them? Not so much. Everything is pretty fiery in that section of the family. (Also I have my dad’s hair! Everyone says I look like my mom but I actually recently got my dad’s hair (it was different when I was younger) and I feel closer to him, somehow. Not sure. There’s just something about it.sorry this is not related, just thought I would mention it though). My mom gave my brother a talk about not being so condescending, but I don’t really think it worked. We’ll see about it when he comes home in the fall. Future me, if things are different between us now, just remember that they’re not looking so hot for me right now. At this point, I think we’ll probably cut ties soon. I wonder how things will turn out later though.

Um…let’s see. What else do I have to say? I think I recently diagnosed myself with social anxiety. I was pretty much just on the explore page of Instagram and saw this post about “what people think mental disorders are vs. what they really are”. So when I was swiping through, I saw the anxiety portion and I can’t quite remember what it said, but whatever the actual one was, I remember identifying with it. It’s hard for me to get up and go to the trash can in class without mapping it out and someone else going up first in order to reassure me that’s it’s socially acceptable. I hate public speaking, and unless I have everything planned out word for word, I mess up. On the bus, I can’t move to a seat without first letting everyone else sit down for fear that they’ll think badly of the high schooler sitting down when there are people in their thirties still standing.

It’s not too bad, and like I said, it just takes a lot of thinking. Which is why I haven’t said anything to my doctor. I know people say that they know how to deal with stuff like this, but I also know that anything I tell her also goes straight to my mom, whether I want it to or not. And I’m not ready for that. So for now, I’m going to keep checking no when she gives me the survey about unhealthy mental behaviors. I think I can deal with it myself.

Besides, when I went for my checkup, I made the mistake of asking her whether I could lift 10 pound weights and to tell my mom that she was being ridiculous for being worried. No such luck. Instead, she gave me an incredibly sexist comment about how this football player she knows can’t lift it, so you can’t either. Literally. That’s what she said. So from that point on, I’m taking pretty much everything she says with a grain of salt. Also, what kind of a football player can’t lift 10 pounds? Are they like 12? In case she hasn’t noticed, I’m not 12. What really pisses me off is that without doing any kind of tests or exercises or anything, she just assumes it based on my appearance and gender. Really? Not impressed. My mom won’t let me switch doctors now, but I’m just going to try and keep myself healthy enough so that I won’t have to go to her any more often than I absolutely need to.

Anything else? I actually don’t quite think so? I’m pretty excited for Christmas. Oh wait! There was one thing! Earlier this year, on my birthday, I was at school, in bio, and I accidentally blurted out that today was mine. And the whole class was like really? I felt really bad, because you know how much I don’t like attention. But everyone starting wishing me, and I just couldn’t take them seriously? Like I guess it’s not a huge deal to most people, but I’d like to know that people actually remember my birthday. And people like to ask me, well do you remember everyone’s birthday? And I say, actually, yes. I put them in my calendar when I first meet them so it reminds me. Yes, I don’t technically remember, but at least I put enough effort into it that I can wish them without them having to flaunt it. And that same day, earlier, when I was in PE, I got the card from my counselor wishing me. And I had a couple friends with me, and one of them I had known since middle school, her birthday was a few days before mine, and I had remembered the heck out of hers. Literally, that morning when I woke up, I texted her before school. And she didn’t remember mine? She remembered mine five days before, on hers, but not on the actual day. She kind of tried to play it cool and be like “oh what are you doing on your birthday?”. But I knew, and I don’t know, it just kinda was like “um,ok.thanks”.

Does this mean I’m losing friends? I’m a little bit alarmed at this. Maybe my standards are too high. But you know, they do say that it’s better to have a couple really good friends than lots of not-really friends. Maybe this is a step in the right direction. Maybe most people just aren’t at this stage yet when they’re my age? I’m trying to weed out the toxic ones. Is it working? Not sure.

Anyways, I actually do think that’s all. I’ll be posting more about individual experiences throughout the year, but I just wanted to get the big picture of my life right now out there.

Dear future me, loosen up. Have fun! You always wanted to be grown up, so make sure you make the most of it.

See you all next time!

diy eos lip balm

So I don’t actually know if this would qualify as a DIY, but I’m writing it down so that I don’t forget and hopefully it’ll help some of you guys too.

For anyone who doesn’t know, EOS lip balms come in these iconic egg shapes that look really cute when you get them, when they’re sitting on your counter, when you’re putting them on, etc. What’s not cute, and slightly time consuming, is getting those last bits out once you hit the little triangle-shaped dividers, because they scratch your lips and you’ll need to depot it. I like to consolidate them once I’ve hit pan on a couple, yes the flavors and scents get mixed together but who really cares. They’re not very potent anyways. You know what, I’ve just realized that this isn’t a DIY because we’re not going to be making anything? Oh well. Hopefully you’ll take the time to read this intro before jumping in and don’t complain at the end that I didn’t warn you.

I’ve found quite a few tutorials about how to do this, and I have to say that they look quite professional. But they all take so long? Really. Who has the time for that. So this method, that I’m sharing, is for those busybodies who really can’t be bothered. Join the club.

You will need:

EOS lip balm container(s) that have hit pan. (with everything still in, dividers, blah blah blah)

A hair clip (one of those snappy clips? idk what they’re called. if you really have no idea, please contact me.)edit: apparently they’re actually called snap clips? wow I’m good at this

A Q-tip (or more? I used both sides of two I think. Just because they get kinda gunky.)

Elbow grease (this is not a type of grease. You will not find it at the hardware store. Please. Come out of the rock you’ve been living under.)

1. I had three containers, one of which I decided not to remove the dividers from and to consolidate into. So take your other two containers.

2. With the hair clip, pry the dividers out of the two containers. You will see the very fine, thin space. You need to pry from there. Some tutorials say to use a thin knife, but a hair clip is just as fine and I want this to be kid friendly. (p.s. you can use the hair clip afterwards? just wash it off with soap and water.)

3. Use the Q-tip to poke the lip balm out of the little triangles into the TOP half of the container. Scrape as much as you can out. When doing the other one, poke it into the same half as the first one. This is the first step of the actual consolidation. They’ll come out in little chunks, but don’t worry about it for right now. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT THE LIP BALM IS IN THE TOP HALF.

4. Here would be the step if, you had any other lip balms (not necessarily EOS ones) that you wanted to depot, you would scrape those into the same half.

5. Now, kind of mush all the chunks together until they form one glob. It doesn’t need to be perfectly smooth or even super together. This will just help with the next step. You won’t need as much elbow grease if you do this step. But I mean, if this is your workout for the day, then go ahead. No one’s stopping you.

6. Unscrew the top from the bottom of the container that you DIDN’T take the divider out from. Now, use the top half that has all the product in it and vigorously screw it onto the bottom half of the one that’s intact. Here’s where the magic happens. By screwing and unscrewing and twisting, you’re essentially creating a mold for the top little dome to be created. If you have too much product, it’ll squeeze out around the edges and that’s when you should take off the top, clean the edges with a Q-tip, and keep screwing until you get a nice little dome. Also, you can change Q-tips in this step, since it’s pretty long and your Q-tip might become kinda gross. When you’re cleaning off the edges, wipe the excess product off the Q-tip to save for the next step.

7. Once you’re happy with how the dome looks, go ahead and add any finishing touches. By this, I mean if you want to add a little more product to the top because it’s been dented, just use your Q-tip to pick up a little bit from the stuff that you wiped off earlier and fill in those gaps. Perfect the shape. You might need to screw the top back on to check that it isn’t squeezing out if you’ve gone a bit overboard in your finishing touches.

8. Leave the cap off, and put the dome part in the fridge. I suppose you could put it in the freezer too, but I have a fridge at my disposal and it’s just easier for me. It depends on how firm you want it. And obviously, if you’re in a rush, use the freezer. But I would suggest leaving it in there and doing something else. It’ll take at least an hour in the fridge, maybe half in the freezer. Also, if you don’t like the look of mix and match bottom and top, you can use the same color cap once you’ve taken it out of the fridge.

9. Now, you’re done! I leave mine in the fridge and just take it out to be used because every other space is too warm and it gets a bit mushy. I’ll have to test if the freezer will keep it firm for much longer.

Wow! That was long! I promise you, even though this post is really long, I went into a lot of detail and the real process is only like 5-10 minutes outside of the freezing bit. If you try this, make sure to tell me how it went/send me pictures! See you soon!!!!

new years resolutions

I think I’m pretty late to the game, but I wrote out a couple of resolutions back in 2016 and I’m going to publish them here because we all know that peer pressure is the most effective kind and sometimes it’s actually good to have someone breathing down your neck (hopefully not literally.)

So anyways, here goes!

1)Drink more water: uh,does this even need an explanation? water is really good for you. shocking, right? look it up if you don’t believe me.
2) Wear sunscreen: So a lot of people don’t realize that the sun actually is there in the winter, it’s just hidden by all the clouds and clouds don’t block much UV radiation? So it actually gets through. I’d really like not to get skin cancer and/or age too fast. I’m assuming my youth will be the best years of my life (that’s what all the old people I know tell me, at least)
3)Exercise more: Physical activity is, again, good for you (seeing a pattern here?)and I definitely don’t do enough of it. I have a couple of like “body goal” things too within this one but they’re pretty boring so I’ll spare everyone the boredom.
4)Play more violin: I REALLY need to practice more, it would just be good for everyone, and plus I would feel better about not letting my teacher down every week. I could use some high-focus activities in my life. Everyone is too lazy these days anyway.
5)Have a better attitude: The title of this one is kind of misleading, so to explain, this basically means to try harder and not give up so easily. Particularly in school. Or anything. This is really important, could be applied to anything on this list.
6)Stop procrastinating: I suppose that this could be roped in with the previous one, but I thought it was important enough to have its own spot on this list. If I didn’t procrastinate so much, I wouldn’t give up so easily.
7)Be neater/cleaner: mostly applies to my room, but also time and anything else that could use organizing. I think ‘time management’ would also fall under this category.
8)Be happier. Smile more. Laugh more. Do good things. Help people. Meditate. Be nicer. Think more. Talk to people. Improve my social skills, make new friends. Listen better. Take deep breaths. Get less stressed and have less breakdowns. Cry less. Be tougher. Stop touching my hair/other fidgety things. Get more into everything that I do.

^^ that was like too many in one, but it’s basically everything that would be good to do and are more like life goals than life changes.

If you’re still here, thanks for reading! See you soon:)

appreciate the little things

So I’ve been watching a lot of Youtube over the past few days, and wow I’ve actually learned a lot! But today I’m actually going to be talking about some random stuff. Some of it I got from Youtube (specifically this Youtuber called Ingrid Nilsen, if you haven’t seen any of her work go check her out, everything she says and does is so inspirational and meaningful, just freaking amazing), and some of it has just been marinating in my brain for a while, waiting to be spit out.

First thing: why doesn’t anyone ask how people are these days? Like not in the formal, polite “How are you?” “I’m doing well, how about you?”. More like the “hey, how was your day?” and “Pretty good” or “It was alright, I guess”. Doesn’t this just invite conversation? Does anyone even realize how many awkward pauses you could save by just doing the latter? There is a very slim chance that someone is going to reply with just “It was ok, I guess” and then just stop talking, like people enjoy talking about themselves. It’s just a fact. And if they do, well most likely it’s because they don’t feel comfortable enough with you to elaborate. It’s pretty downhill from there because if you’ve known them for more than a couple DAYS, there really should be no problem carrying on a conversation that consists of more than those two phrases. (or maybe both of you are just really bad at anything even remotely social)

One thing I like to do is when I get on the bus and sit next to my neighbor, we literally always ask each other how the their day was. The best part is, that not one time have either of us said “Amazing!” or anything even remotely close to that. There’s always something that’s gone wrong,(or everything’s gone wrong! that’s cool too). But after we talk about it, (can’t speak for her) I know that I feel better? I think it’s just something about saying it to someone and having them listen that makes everything better. The crazy thing is, that we literally have NOTHING in common. She likes sports, I hate sports. She loves fantasy books, I hate fantasy books. She plays the piano, I don’t play the piano. We have no classes, few interests in common. (I’ve noticed that a lot of the time my conversations center around school, and classes and grades. Not an option here.) We just seem to find things! Like the other day she was telling me about this book she was reading, and I asked what it was about (it was fantasy.) She literally launched into a five-minute straight explanation of everything (it’s a series with nine parts) and by the time she was done I made a joke about having that be like explaining the entire Harry Potter series to me. She laughed so hard! It was great. I’d had the worst day, failed my calc test, and stressed out about everything else. My mood boosted at least by half in that one moment. I ranted about my calc test, she listened (not heard, LISTENED, and yes there is a difference) and said just a few words that were actually so meaningful. Mood: another 50% boosted. I

I hadn’t talked to her in years before freshman year. On that first day, we just clicked. Moral of the story: the longest friendships aren’t always the strongest friendships. So if you’ve been friends with someone for a long time and everything’s just starting to fade, don’t hesitate to cut ties. Because if it’s causing you unnecessary stress, you don’t need it. Everything and everyone you surround yourself with should be bringing you joy. (Ingrid really focuses on this and that’s one of the reasons I love her. so authentic)

Second: on a more positive note, I love it when people laugh so hard they go silent. It’s a beautiful sight. Could there be any more joy in the world! So great. This is such an articulate point I actually don’t have much to explain…

Third: Take care of yourself. It’s something I have to remind myself to do, but it helps so much. Getting my mindset to be positive helps me and those around me. Ex. after I failed my calc test, I was THIS close to crying. (you can’t see but my fingers are pressed together.) I’m walking down the halls, they’re pretty much empty because lunch and class has started, and I just take 30 seconds, max, to spend time with myself. It helps so much! By the time I get to the lunch table, no one can even tell I was about to break down less than a minute ago. People think that they should be focusing on others, (not being selfish and whatnot), but really, YOU come first. If you’re not happy, you can’t help others be happy. If others need to take care of you, they’re not able to take care of themselves. It’s really just a cycle that starts and ends with yourself. Also, if you’re that concerned about being selfless, have you ever seen someone that’s actually genuinely happier surrounded by negative than positive people? I haven’t, for sure.

So I actually have another example (sorry, but this actually just means I’ve been implementing these ideas and not just sitting around). In Community, our teacher asks us how we’re doing, (see! people do it, and it works) and when it came to my turn, I said 10. (on a scale of 1-10). This kid in my class says “How are you a 10? You have a Bio test today!”

And ok, you know what? I’m not a 10. Not without a lot of mental energy, at least. Your mood is what you make of it. Your day is what you make of it. Everything is what you make of it.

Recap (well aware no one actually read that entire thing)

1. Ask people how they’re doing
2. Watching people laugh silently is so uplifting!
3. Take care of yourself, first.

Thanks for reading! (or at least scrolling all the way down here). See you next time!

advice for someone who needs it

What do you do when a friend gets either really annoyed at everything you say or just rolls their eyes? I don’t think I’ve really majorly changed my behavior, but for some reason the friendship is, in a way, just getting weaker??? Most of the time they also have an “I’m so bored with you” face on, and they’re becoming less supportive of my decisions. Actually, now that I think of it, the friendship is becoming more of a chore, which it totally shouldn’t? Like friendships take work, but isn’t it supposed to be fun work?

If anyone has any suggestions, please tell me, because if this person (or I) needs help I would like to know asap so that I can figure this out…

how to prepare for auditions

I’m sure everyone has some kind of stressful situation they need to do. It’s pretty much a part of life that you’ll have to present yourself, your ideas, and your talents to others, often times who are judging you harshly (that’s the mean way of saying ‘trying to make a very difficult decision because everyone was great’ LIES)

That being said, here are some ways to deal with stressful situations. This is pretty general, so feel free to adapt this list towards whatever specific challenge you’re facing currently.

1. Have some kind of stress reliever method that works for you

Everyone has a specific way of dealing with stress. (wow am I a health teacher or something?my goodness). Personally, I like to use a little squeezy ball that you, although this may sound completely random, SQUEEZE! It basically just helps to get rid of a bit of extra energy that the nerves is bringing in to your body, and another bonus I’ve found is that it actually keeps your finger muscles ‘warm’ (for lack of a better term) so if your audition involves some kind of intense finger movement, this may be the one for you. Plus, who doesn’t like to squeeze the crap out of something? Also, it probably helps that mine looks like the Snapchat ghost, except it’s blue, and we all know how much I am NOT a Snapchat fan…

Additional techniques include deep breathing, thinking about a ‘happy place’, envisioning it going smoothly and having the results that you want, and basically just convincing yourself that you’ve done all you can at this point (and it’s gonna be GREAT!)

A little tip with the breathing thing is 4-7-8. It’s been a fairly popular technique for a while now, so I’m not sure that I really need to explain it, but it basically means breathe in for four, hold for 7, and breathe out for 8. There’s something about those numbers that make it scientifically possible for your body to slow your heart rate and essentially calm yourself down. Apparently this also works for falling asleep super fast, as in within 4 breaths you’ll be completely out.

I have tried this, and while that hasn’t quite been the case, I have found that it makes me yawn a whole lot more, although I’m not really sure how to harness those yawns into making me fall asleep. If anyone has any suggestions, please leave them in the comments below. Dr. Andrew Weil, a researcher at Harvard, is credited with coming up with this technique, and you can find out more about this basically anywhere online. (just google it) There have been many articles written about his work.

2. Be prepared

Just knowing that you’ve done all you can possibly do is the best stress reliever there is. You shouldn’t need to panic if you feel like you’ve already prepared. And when you feel like you’re pretty prepared, prepare more. If you’re giving a presentation, know as much as you can about your topic or idea, and give detailed answers to questions that people ask. Everyone loves someone who actually knows what they’re doing, and by giving them a great answer, you are also conveying that you really have put in the work and are qualified for whatever thing you’re doing. When people say “I think we’ve prepared enough” or “You’re in good shape”, don’t let that get to your head. What that actually means is “keep doing what you’re doing”. All knowledge disappears in an instant if you don’t practice it and use it, and that’s not really something you want to be showing and an important event like that in your life.

3. Have confidence!

Once you’ve made a mistake, keep going, The only thing that’s worse than a mistake is multiple mistakes. Once you start making them, you never stop. If you make a mistake, take a deep breath and keep going. Think positively.

Well I feel like everything just got shorter and shorter and at this point my fingers are very tired. Good luck everyone!

body shaming

In America, there are many overweight people. There are many big-built people. For lack of a better word, there are many fat people.

Fat.

It’s not a nice word. To say the least.

But what I don’t think people realize is that on the other end of the spectrum, skinny is not a nice word either.

When I say ‘its not a nice word’, I don’t mean that it’s rude. More like it has a very negative connotation with it.

Much like ‘pedophile’. Taking from just the stems, it literally means “child-lover”. Does it actually mean child-lover? No. If so, teachers and day-care workers and (hopefully) all parents would be pedophiles. Are they? No.

In this post, I’m going to touch on (very briefly) eating disorders. Super briefly. As in, I will mention them. I will not be going into detail though, so if you’re very squeamish, no worries.

Let’s talk about the “skinny” spectrum. America is so hypocritical, we categorize healthy as slim, and shame fat people, all while also shaming skinny people.

Skinny and healthy are not synonymous. If you are skinny, that does not mean you are healthy. If you are healthy, that does not mean you are skinny. In no way, do the two words even remotely mean the same thing. I’ve seen incredibly skinny people who basically only eat chips and cookies and other unhealthy food. I’ve seen fat people who have a great, balanced, healthy diet.

I’ve been called “anorexic” a couple times. Because the people that have called me that haven’t been very close to me, meaning I don’t seriously value their opinions over my own, I haven’t paid much mind. Calling someone “anorexic” is no more flattering than it is calling someone “fat” or “overweight”.

Another thing: A diet does not mean starving yourself. When someone asks me why I won’t eat some kind of food, it’s not because I’m “on a diet”. In a way, yes I am on a diet. It’s a healthy, balanced lifestyle whee I don’t put an excess of junk into my body. And sometimes, I just genuinely don’t like that type of food. As I’ve just recently told someone, I’ve always been more of a chips than cookies type of person. That doesn’t mean I binge on chips either, though. Everything in moderation.

These people are right in a sense that I am obsessed with my “diet”. Yes, I am. Just like I’m “obsessed” with sunscreen and sun protection in general. (a story for another time) But instead of thinking of it as a trend, I think of it as a lifestyle. I like to play a game with myself where I see if I can monitor my intake of unhealthy food, and only eat it once every month or something like that. So yes, it is a bit of an obsession. But I believe I am obsessed with all the right things. For me, at least. Maybe not for you. Probably not for you. Whatever’s important to you, go for it.

thank you for reading! Well aware this was a bit of a jumbled mess, it has not been edited:) see you next time!